I don't really know what to say...

I love him. You say i'm not real. WELL I AM. My name is Lee. But i want you all to call me Celebrian because that is who i truly feel i am.

My story:

I am NOT A FANGIRL.

I AM NOT A FANGIRL.

This is too deep.

Does a fangirl feel that she has known the person she *loves* intimately, deeply, in every possible way? Does she have signs that indicate that she may indeed be his significant other?

I doubt it.

Does she weep with recognition of SOMETHING when she watches ROTK and sees him speak in Elvish, "the sea calls us home"? I feel as if he is coming back to ME.

I remember things impossibly unexplainable.

I wish i COULD explain it.

Sometimes i wonder: am i crazy?

Or am i truly somebody more than who i think i am?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I dream of him every night.

I love him so deeply, that it hurts to be separated from him. He comes to me in dreams and i can acutely feel all his pain of our separation. Yet i know we will be together once more.....

It hurts.

I have "modern interests" that have caught hold of me--"non-Elven" "human" interests. For instance, southern country ("redneck" to be somewhat insulting, but i hate to say that) and Goth subcultures fascinate me. I like both Montgomery Gentry AND VNV Nation. but i like Enya best of all.

Though i must say, 1980's pop music has caught a hold on me!!! Especially Madonna. I can't help it--she's too catchy and too fun.

It's sometimes fun to be trapped in a human body.

But generally i hate it. I'm fat as a pig. And i hate that. I can never manage to grow my hair long. And it's dark. I hate that fact.

do you like my background? I wish i could go back to that. it made me cry when i saw it.

I wish he could be with me once more.

~C